You might be wondering why someone might want a divorce coach, in addition to an attorney.
Actually, there are several reasons.
Remember Attorney’s are not trained in relationships, and they are not being paid to help clients decide whether their marriages are beyond repair or not.
- There are certainly some marriages that are not salvageable and should not be. However, some marriages end up in divorce court, due to temporary severe stressors that partners do not expect to impact them so negatively and neither one knows that these things can happen, nor that learning new skills can resolve these issues, and can even make the marriage stronger. It is not in your attorney’s sphere of competence to determine if this pertains to your marriage.
- Let’s assume that your marriage could not and should not be repaired by any therapist on the planet earth. Ending a marriage is rated as the second most stressful life event, right behind the death of a spouse. No client should expect their attorney to be their primary source of emotional support during this process. Their job is to listen to your requests and to get you the best deal possible from your soon to be ex-spouse and their legal representation. However, sometimes they are not trained to determine what is best for you and your family emotionally. This is particularly true in cases with children whose custody is at stake.
- If you breathe air, and you are going through a divorce, it is not possible not to experience anger, hurt, disappointment, and possibly fear. None of these emotions are a good place to help a client decide what is best both for them, and for their children. Your attorney needs to pursue whatever you can get that you are legally entitled to get, however there are times when emotion can cause you to prolong your divorce and substantially raise your costs, if you insist on something that is not in your best interests, or your children’s because of anger and hurt.
- One example is somebody taking their spouse through depositions and court hearings because they did not want their spouse to be able to seek medical treatment either while the children would be in his custody or in any major medical decisions, and a second time because they did not want to have the father at any important celebrations, such as graduations, or religious celebrations. Now the client had the legal right to force the issue, but not the grounds to have a judge rule in their favor. However, the client did spend a large amount of money trying to obtain an extremely unlikely outcome. A divorce coach could have helped support the client emotionally, and provided a valuable different perspective, and resulted in a healthier environment for everybody post divorce.
- Attorney’s don’t usually have access to, or provide resources, such as financial advising, career advising, co-parenting, Support groups, or opportunities such as Co-Abode for single parents to share housing and parenting, or emotional healing.
- There are many things that clients learn post divorce the hard way. Using a Divorce Coach can help you to minimize your learning curve and help you recover more quickly. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel.